This is what dating in your mid-life feels like. If you ever watched Sex and the City you'll remember the time Charlotte bitched about being 35 and dating since 15 saying "where IS he ALREADY!?"
I don't know how much more disappointment I can take. There's not even a little foot on the pedal going. Tons of responses but when you look at the photos and profiles it's so obvious that a 60 year old is stating he's 47. And I'll never understand why men or women do that. Because really, if you look like that at 47 it's NOT GOOD!
But this morning was the most disappointing thus far. I thought I had been contacted by a gentleman. A man who was willing to take the time needed to establish some form of intimacy or at the least meet my comfort level. I'm not a piece of meat.
I had initially explained that I prefer emailing for a while so that we can get to know each other a bit before we move to the phone or even straight to coffee on an in-person real date. I thought I got a very agreeable man and even complimented him on this. But the questions he asked me I found off putting. I'm 40. Why is he asking me where I grew up? Why is he telling me where he grew up?
Those questions in and of themselves aren't horrible but they don't say much. And there wasn't much else. And that's the issue I have. I learned he has traveled a bit and has an interest in where I grew up in NJ. But I'm 40 and twice said to him I've lived in NYC for 20 years. Not one question about moving to NY or what I like about NY.
So nicely and gently I told him I'd like to get to know him for who he is now and then I told him what was important to me.
In fact, here is what I wrote:
I've been in NYC for 20 years where I went to school as well. But honestly that stuff is so far behind either one of us. I'd like to get to know who you are NOW.
Here's what I think is very important for you to know about me. In many ways I'm very traditional minded. And I've found it very hard to find those same values in a male in NYC. But I know it exists because I work with so many couples and I see so many relationships, so it really messes it up for the players that think they can get away with it, lol.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no prude by any means, but I'm looking for a deeper connection than most men in NYC seem to either want or are capable of. I want someone I can talk to or just listen to, that also has a genuine interest in who I am and caring about me. I believe they call that intimacy. And that takes time. It's not something any of us can manufacture at a snap of a hand. So while I'm not crazy about the idea of a pen pal, I do think emailing for a bit is an important step, and I'm impressed that you have been agreeable to that so far. When we sit down together for the first time, I'd like to be able to say to you, "P, how was your day with XYZ?" Just like any other friend I have.
I'm also more traditional in that I want to take my time with a man before jumping into anything physical with each other.
OK, so with all that said I leave the floor to you.
And here's the immediate response I got:
When you say that you want to e-mail for a while what does that mean? How long is a while? I usually figure that two or three times is enough to see if you want to proceed to the telephone.
When you say you want to take more time to get physical? How long is that? When you say physical. What do you mean by that?
--
Sorry "Charlie" but you just blew it big time. So you can go find some other woman to scam into bed at the wrong pace for your own needs and then dump her.
My g-d. I gave him gold. So much to talk about. He could tell me what is important to him, well I guess he sort of did, but in that typical jerky retard way.
Here was my response:
It means exactly what I said. If those things bother you then I think we may be looking for very different things. I'm not into quick. I'm into long term.
That should have been the end of it but the drama king had to attempt to get the last word and wrote the following:
I am into long term too. But I think being just "pen pals" is a waste of time. It is apparent that you have some issues, so let's forget about this and not waste each others time.
