Thursday, August 23, 2012

Bend It Like Bennet/ A Critical MESS... A Tale of a Critical Little Twit

On Tuesday, two
 good friends of mine had the opportunity to witness what I was going through regarding a date I had just had the night before. I was really glad that I had them to share the moments as they unfolded because frankly without them, after so many previous confusing dating moments, while not the same but sharing some minor similarities, without others to witness first-hand it starts to make one feel a bit "crazy."

I guess it's funny in a way how two people can go on the same date and yet not go on the same date.

I decided against my better judgment to go out with a male who in the past I would not have given as second thought to even a slight opportunity to get to know me. Based on age alone! As well, nerdiness. But in the effort to be open, give a possible nice guy a chance, I chalked some red flags up to social awkwardness and truly gave this guy the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes all it takes is a little kindness that can make all the difference right? Diamond in the rough?

I had suspicions that this young guy had communication problems because I nicely made it clear that I wasn't into texting and preferred communication directly. That was ignored. Friends said, give him a chance, maybe he is just nervous and needs to feel more comfortable at this point before he feels ready to talk on the phone. I find this a bit lame, after all if you want to pair up with someone you have to actually talk and communicate. But alas I went forward.

On the actual date, I felt that there were a few moments that were shockingly inappropriate (I will get to them later) but for the most part, as I wanted to give this guy a chance, I literally laughed them off. Sometimes nerves make men say things they know should not have come out of their mouths and a joke or laugh can alleviate the situation letting the other know how you felt.

A lot of topics came up on this date. A lot and the date last 5 hours and ended with a kiss not initiated by me. A very passionate kiss I might add. And that is not something I do with most dates as my good friends know. We talked about our mutual like of all things HGTV and some shared fun Cooking Channel shows. I learned and saw his new apt he was so proud to renovate. We of course spoke about our work. Family was touched on a little bit as far as number of siblings and such.

The way I chose to interpret the conversations was that he seemed willing to share information and his excitement and reasoning for some of his choices.

Here and there he asked me questions about myself and my work. I know what I do is unique to most others. I obliged. However, the way he asked certain questioned seemed to be centered around money/lifestyle, in a prodding or pumping way. There seemed to be some need to know or find out if I had "nice things" and so I was very open about the lifestyle of my career. Sometimes we have a lot of clients and work and other times it's very slow and money is tight. And I said as I often do to many of you, "I'm a good second income," and smiled and laughed about it.

I changed the subject to my friends. I spoke about how proud I was of one friend of mine for being so young and being able to buy her apt in cash in full and how she handled her co op board. His retort was "you will get there someday too." And this started to bother me a bit, his comments. I didn't need consoling and I had already made my own story clear,  at our best capacity don't make huge money and I'm fine with that because I love my life and work and friends. (OK I'd love to make more don't get me wrong but it is my choice to do what I do and I love it and made my peace with it.) But it seemed like me having "nice things" wanting them perhaps was important to this guy.

I told him I rent. But he still went on and on asking me what my kitchen was like. And his "well, someday you too" comments kept coming.

It wasn't enough to make me say no to the guy but I was filing it away. Perhaps if a second date came and we were able to establish better communication which takes time, I would be able to establish that this wasn't something that important to me and I was really proud of what he was proud of for himself though, later on. After all, Rome wasn't built in a day.

He made it clear he liked me. He touched my back and my hair. But then a comment came that upset me. Knowing I am naturally curly, he said not only did he think I looked nice with straight hair that night, he said, "I like your hair better straight."

Hurtful comment.

I mentioned I like my curly hair. He pressed on about "better." I said it's a lot of work. He pressed on more about how his sister in law was taught how to do it and I could learn. I said again it's a lot of work and time. And he still pressed on. So I finally said, "If you like it that much and want to see me that way..." and then I made the gesture of $, basically saying if you like your woman that way it costs money dude!

Not once did I say an unsupportive word about any topic he brought up regarding himself. He seemed so proud of his accomplishments and what he was able to do for himself and as I would want to for any friend I wanted to share in his joy for those things for himself and said, "that's great! I'm impressed. " etc. etc..

Look, nobody's perfect and first dates can be hard. I was willing to let some things go and chalk it up to just normal conversation and wanted to share. Especially when I've had so many bad dates that you have all read about on this blog, in comparison this one was "terrific."

So this was a 5 hour date. We went for a walk. We sat and talked. And other conversations came up. Again an awkward conversation was started to which I said, "It's important to me that I find a mate that I can talk with and enjoy communicating with because in the end we all get old and that "other stuff" fades."

His response was bluntly, "I like sex and no it won't."

I repeated what he said because I was shocked. "Did you just say...?" And he nodded yes.

Being the person I am, I just went with the conversation ...choosing not to get mad or angry about it, simply stating my wants and what kind of person I am. "Sex is important to a relationship and yes it can be a deal breaker in the end, but that comes much later after knowing someone for a while. I'm not that type of woman. I'm looking for a mensche."

His response, "Don't you think it's really good that we feel so comfortable talking about this on a first date?"

I didn't. I didn't respond.

He made a lot of comments about next time, this or that.

I changed the subject. I asked if he had ever been in love before. He said yes. I told him I asked because I think it's important to know if someone is capable of being in love with another and that by a certain age if you haven't ever been in love once you're probably not capable of it and that's not a good sign for a partner. (I've had many men say they never were in love or even close and didn't know why.)

I ended the date saying that it was late and would he like a ride home. He declined the ride but kept talking about next time and touching my back and hair. He offered to walk me to my car. And then he planted a huge passionate kiss on me, twice.

Truthfully, writing this is much easier to see things in hindsight. Sometimes these moments go by fast as I am experiencing them and I choose to laugh it off and use humor to get my points across when possible. I thought I had.

That was MY date.

His date was to txt me after I texted a thank you I had a nice time: It was ok. You talked too much about money and you checked your email. Take care.

It was a shock. And a shock to my GF sitting next to me as well, seeing that txt he wrote. I wrote back with puzzlement. Yes in context I spoke about money, in positive ways, unlike him. How proud I was of my friend compared to his digs on his friends waste of money on rent in Manhattan. Etc..

He was cold and mean in his response. So I sat on it and let myself relax and then I remembered all the times he spoke about money: his mortgage payment, the cost of breaking walls to open his kitchen, the cost of the counter, his pocket doors to his junior four, how he wasn't going to spend money on custom closet doors- such a waste, his friends' rents and how stupid they were for it, asking me if I owned my car and telling me how great it was I didn't need to make payments, and how he lent a friend/colleague money for a real estate licence costing $180 and how it took four months to be paid back, even though he was a lawyer making good money.

I wrote him with the details of all his $ comments and said he should look himself in the mirror and he owed me an apology. LOL Not only didn't I get a humble apology he reared his little narcissistic head, thinking I was making some kind of play for him in showing him this. Oh yeah like I would ever beg " oh please please like me" LMBO

So I made myself very clear at that point. :D  HAHAHA!

So if this ever gets back to the little little boy you have my permission to let him know that usually when you're not so pretty on the outside, you make up for it on the inside...but sadly he has neither and should seek therapy.

I have not liked every guy I've met and certainly have been rejected by many too. But there is no reason to be mean to someone when you are turning them down, especially if there is no truth to what you are saying as in his case toward me. A very simple, it was nice meeting you (and since we have shared friends) it's nice to have a new friend, see you around...or I enjoyed meeting you but I feel more of a friendship or something like that will suffice.

What you don't do is spend 5 hours with that person and initiate a passionate kiss at the end of the night and then write a mean hurtful and untruthful txt to them the next day.

Girls, my good friend who is a therapist said that the behaviors of this person resemble borderline personality disorder. 

Monday, June 4, 2012

Beware of DrJerry2

Maybe the fact that the number 2 was listed should have been the red flag stopping me from communicating with this coward...2 indicates a 1 which indicates a jeckle and hyde as well as #2....well you know what that plainly stands for.

He wrote all about his love of Sushi in his profile and so I decided to write a witty line to him to see if he'd take the bait...yes pun intended.


My sushi and sashimi skills are improving steadily. I eat it about 3x week now LOL"


You would think this is a good start, but NO...because he is the typical egomaniac, insecure woman-hating, head up his ass NYC Single guy...


Me:"Sushi is my favorite meal. YUM!"


Dr. J: "Let me know when you care to join me"


WOW what seems like a positive response....wait for it....


Me: "Where do you usually take a woman out for sushi?"   


NOTE the above is a VERY REASONABLE QUESTION and one every woman should ask to see if this guy is going to be a douche bag like the guy in the post below or a generous guy who likes woman and enjoys the process of finding a nice woman to bond with.


Dr J:"There is a place by me that is fantastic. I usually eat sushi 2-3x/week."


And there you go girls...the DOUCHEBAG COMES OUT!


So since I'm a firm believer in meeting someone half way I wrote the following back:


Me: "Well if that wasnt a non answer answer I don't know what is. But it sure does confirm that you are indeed a doctor! LMAO"


Dr. J "I'm lost here. You asked me where i take women to dinner for sushi. I gave you an answer. I'm not quite sure how that would be considered a non answer."


YES DOCTAH, you certainly are lost, and yes technically you answered me, but NO you didn't give me an answer. LOSER AND PUSSY!


Me: "" a place near me" oh please... tell u what... when u decide ur done playing games & want to meet a woman for a mature relationship u can contact me again."


Dr. J: "Umm....I didn't contact you to begin with!"


So all you non-single people of NYC, the next time you want to judge a pretty girl in a negative way for STILL being single, look at this crap and realize IT'S NOT HER!

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

OKCupid or OKSTUPID?

I usually don't do this but for this douchbag I will. Ladies, do yourself a favor and skip dating the guy with this handle on that site: takr30. Seriously a moron and a cheapskate. ( I should have realized from his online name TAK R)

And if the moron comes upon this site he should know that the word LOGISTICS does not mean communication, as he kept using it for that definition all night.

Ummm thank you for your emails proposing that chivalry is your specialty and then asking me out to BareBurger, a half step up from McDonalds...where I was subjected to your hate-filled stories of your past dates. [Yes, he told me early on that a woman threw a glass and drink at him on a date. He had no idea why. Well, I do!]

Do men even know how to have a good time when they are out with women for the first time anymore? Seriously by the age of 36, are they that screwed up from some women already that they feel every woman is trying to empty their wallets that they rake a nice woman like me over the coals over paying a check for fries and a milk shake. Yes you heard that right?!? I got the shake down for a milk shake. Gee, thank you for your chivalry, asking me if I ever pay for a date.

This is what Steve Harvey talks about with "the guy who calls you the golddigger" or talks about "the golddigger" It's his way of making you feel bad so you don't ask for anything from him until he gets what he wants. Listen to the clip at the bottom of this blog.

NO, you douchebag! That's the man's job. Ever hear of Steve Harvey you loser!??

If you ask me I will tell you straight out I do not pay for dates. If you have the audacity to bring it out point blank, don't feign that I should be coquette about my answer.  All night I was subjected to him telling me how wrong I was. It didn't matter what. Can you say inferiority complex? Hey dope here's a clue...don't be so negative and you won't get it back: video platform video management video solutions video player

Yes, he was correct I HAVE STANDARDS. To him this was a deal breaker. All the power to me, so he said. Oh brother, is this man jacked up on some major love himself way too much drugs.

Yes, I will only be with a man who treats me with respect and knows how to have fun and show me a good time on a date. No, that doesn't mean he necessarily has to show me the money on a first date. But it does mean that he has to show me he knows the best hotdog, burger joint, etc etc...and has no issue with spending his hard earned money showing me how much he cares about me enjoying my time with him. If you can't handle that then SCREW OFF NO STANDARDS MAN!

I want a man who has a plan for me,... not to play with me! Yes yes Mr. Harvey.



Sunday, January 22, 2012

Hurry Up and Speed Date

Yes I went to a speed dating event this past week. I try to remain upbeat and positive but it really does get harder and harder to pump myself up to upbeat and positive when the same 20 men show up to these events and they are socially retarded and ageist pigs.

I'd really like to know how much longer I am supposed to be the bigger one sitting at the dating table when I am asked "How long have you lived in NYC?"

For all the clueless women out there who just don't get what is wrong with that question let me make it clear to you. Asking HOW LONG you lived anywhere is a way to ask you without being blunt, " How old are you?"

It's ageist and rude.

So I think that the single guys of NYC better watch out because the very next one that asks me that question is going to see a ruler pulled out from my bag. It will be marked with a BLACK SHARPIE with an arrow pointing to the number ----> 6 inches.  And my answer is going to be, " I have a better question for you Sir. Can you tell me if you measure up before I waste any of my time talking with you further?"

Let me be clear, I'm not looking for perfect. It is a pathetic fairy-tale that doesn't exist. I'm looking for a good guy with shared values that makes me laugh and is easy to get along with and have fun with.

Instead I'm paying to go to these Hurry Up (that's kind of the name of the organization hint hint) Speed Dates where closeted gay men that were the doppleganger for Sue Heck's gay boyfriend Brad showed up along with pompous ass "physicians" who didn't have a lick of interest in what I did for a living and while I was in mid-sentence looked at the women sitting next to me and tuned me out.

One of my favorite moments of the night was recognizing a gentleman but not being able to remember why. Apparently he remembered me too. He refused to sit with me when it was our turn. And then I remembered and I leaned to the woman sitting next to me and told her I had met him a few months ago from online dating. While he invited me to a restaurant at 6pm, dinner time, he didn't want to leave the bar area. He texted me ahead of time that I should get him a beer before he showed up and then talked incessantly talked about some bullshit writing project of his that was about to make him a ton of money. After an hour I had enough and said nice to meet you and ended the date. He didn't walk me the three blocks to the train and I nicely emailed him that I thought we'd make nice friends. But I guess that makes me a nasty person in his eyes unworthy of being civil to at a Hurry Up and Speed Date event.


And while the pirate didn't show up to this event the Prick did.

Monday, January 9, 2012

MEN SHOULD ALWAYS PAY FOR A DATE! PERIOD! There is no wiggle room in this!

I had a shitty date last night with a man from one of my meetup.com groups. Although he asked me out for a drink, he showed up about 10 minutes late. I being a modern woman ordered myself a drink and laid down a $20. But the bartender did not take my money. I thought it was weird especially since it wasn't very busy. Low and behold my "date" comes in, the bartender takes his order and then picks up MY $20 and asks if he should take both out of it. 

I was very annoyed. And there were other things this man did that were just gross that night as well. I gave him an hour and got out of there.

When I got home I emailed with a male FB friend who informed me I was wrong to be pissed about the money situation and told me it should be Dutch and women should never assume that a man should pay.

So let me just say to that male friend that 
A) NEVER argue with a woman that just had a bad date. 
B) You're STILL wrong.

And see how others felt about this as well.

    • C -That's ridiculous! How dare both of them do that?? The bartender should've taken the $$ before the guy got there, and the guy should've just spoken up & said, "No, I got both of them" & easily taken care of it. :(
      22 hours ago · 
    • X- ‎@ C: EXACTLY!!!!!!!!
      22 hours ago · 
    • C- Makes you wonder if he intended to pay for anything at all, even his own stuff?? Did he mention anything about "going dutch" or similar beforehand? (not that he's gonna get many second dates with anybody that way... not a great 1st impression.) Was it a setup w/the bartender perhaps? Dislike!
      21 hours ago · 
    • X He never mentioned anything beforehand. I would have told him i was b. had he done so.
      21 hours ago · 
    • Ass!
      19 hours ago via mobile · 
    • S-Wow that takes balls. A gentleman should have picked up your money and handed it back to you and given the bartender payment for both drinks. At the very least he should have paid fir his own drink.
      18 hours ago · 
    •  X-
       to my single male friends...now you get a bird's eye view of what women expect and think. You're welcome.
      10 hours ago · 
    • SH -(1 male friend- not the offender) I am a social dork and complete nerd but I know for sure you do not let the woman buy your drinks
      10 hours ago · 


Saturday, January 7, 2012

I'm Calling This The What The Fuck Cat

Whenever you see this photo in a post...know that a WTF moment is coming.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Love The Loser's Texts...This One Just In

Loser: Hey . Don't know if you remember , we had a 2 sentence chat on JD. Still my neighbor in ** ? Up for a drink sometime ?
Shabbat shalom.  ;-)
B.

Me: ha. i remember u.
if u want to take me out - call me & set it up

Loser: Omg. It sounds so formal. And I'm such a non formal spontaneous guy. ;-) besides I look at things a lil different. We're going out together (if we do) and not I take you out. Ha.
When is a good time to 'set it up ' for ?

Me: sorry guy! i dont do txts
if ur nt rdy to treat a women properly w/ respect & a call is too hard for u then move on
i also dont do dates w/ boys who dont understand its their role & job to take a woman out. thanks for playin. have a nice day

Thursday, January 5, 2012

This One's For The Girls

Ladies I've spent years in the dating pool. Some of those years frankly, I just gave up and didn't date. But now I'm past 35 and have some advice for you.

Don't make the mistakes I made. Unless you too want to be over 35 and still single. You young ones heed the warning. I'm all for being independent and all that happy horse shit but when it comes to men and dating you have to accept some basic truths. Things I didn't want to accept and now realize I screwed up. I read many signs wrong and that let me allow myself to date the wrong men when I was in my 20's and early 30's. I thought I was so modern. Well get over it. Men are men at the core. Let them be. If they aren't showing you how much they want to take care of you and how good a life they can give you...MOVE ON. Don't say to yourself that you're a modern woman blah blah blah! Because the only one getting played is YOU. They are loving it and taking advantage of it but they aren't gonna marry it.

Don't believe me? OK suffer.

I suggest you read Steve Harvey's Book : Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man.

I'm going to give you a few tips on some red flags. Maybe just maybe if you all start dumping men who behave like this, more men would give up on their games and step up. Win win!

Here's one I can give you straight from the latest experience I had online with a dating site:
The "gentleman" and I spoke on the phone. BLAH BLAH BLAH...all about himself. BORING. Then told me about his supposed day on 9/11.

Sorry girls but this is lame. I'm a New Yorker. I lived through that horrible day. But to use that on a first phone call is pathetic. And I'm not buying it. If a guy does this to you RUN. It's a scam to get you to feel badly for him. Do you REALLY want to be with someone who is trying to mentally manipulate you from the first call?

But it gets worse. I ignore his requests to speak and I tell him I am busy. He hounds me to please meet up. I reluctantly agree and outline only as friends and suggest coffee.

Here's the next red flag...as if that weren't enough:
He tells me to pick the location.

Ladies don't do it. Under no circumstances should you be picking a place. Not on a first date. NEVER. This is lame lame lame and LAME! Oh did I mention it was LAME! Oh and LAZY!

Men need to be showing us a good time. Yes I said NEED. It's not just for us. It's for them. They need this. They need to feel this way. And if they aren't guess what? They just aren't that into you. PERIOD. So don't make up female excuses for why this is OK with you. Men are NOT like us. They don't think like we do. In fact they don't think all that much about anything. It's much more black and white with them.

So there you have it ladies. Two solid pointers to get you started. Don't date the losers and guess what? They will stop being losers. We all win that way.

Oh yes, the ending to this saga, I almost forgot...
When I politely told him that I am traditional and believe men should be choosing the location and making the plans I got "closed."  Not another word written. Not a "good luck to ya", not a "I'm sorry I changed my mind." NOTHING.

Sunday, January 1, 2012